Dear Chocolate

Dear chocolate,
I have a lot that
I'd like to say about the way you treat me;
subliminally screaming out,
eat me
eat me.

You are my drug of choice;
a psychoactive cocktail
to quiet the noise.
Endorphins and serotonin,
a nibble of you
gets my senses are goin',
body moanin',
for more.

Dear chocolate,
I just can't quit you.
You are my addiction,
thank God you're an acceptable one in the society we live in.

I'm strung out on you,
headaches and feeling blue without you.
But thank God you're an acceptable addiction.

Not in your purest form,
the way Cacao was intended,
I crave you with extra sugar and chemicals,
so splendid!

You see natural substances
are a controversial topic;
but oh how we love
a man made psychotropic.

Dear chocolate
if you were a different plant,
and named Mary Jane,
now that'd be insane.
Although you both make us happy,
some plants just aren't allowed in society.

because you're allowed to feel peaceful
and you're allowed to feel happy,
as long as,
in the long run
you actually feel crappy.

That's why prescription pills
and junk food like you,
are celebrated;
but plants that bring healing,
just aren't tolerated.

Thank God you're an acceptable addiction.
If people thought I was an addict...
oh the friction.
No one can trust an addict,
a dirty filthy addict,
a hopeless derelict.

But not you dear Chocolate.
You are a household staple,
in every Christmas platter
and Valentine's tablwe.

What would the world be without you?
oh that's right--
blue;
and
irritable,
head aching,
'cuz we're ignorantly mistaking---
you;
for a temporary bliss bar,
and not the addictive drug that you are.

Thank God you're an acceptable addiction. Getting hooked on you
won't lead to arrest or conviction;
but it could lead to
acne,
obesity,
heart disease,
and a whole lot of other things...

but none of at matters.
I turn a blind eye,
to the fact that I just can't function
without you and I.
Me and you
we're stuck like glue.
I just can't quit you.
So thanks for being an acceptable addiction.

Healing

Here I am again,
crying in secret;
remembering the day we first met. Unexplainable magnetism,
like two souls, realizing they're one.
I wish this memory could be undone.

I wish I could completely erase you.
Like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind,
I wish I could just delete you;
then maybe, just maybe,
I wouldn't have these sleepless nights, remembering our beauty,
and not our fights.

Remembering our laughter,
and not the nightmare there after.
Talking for hours on end,
how quickly you became my best friend.

I wish I could forget you,
then maybe, just maybe,
I wouldn't miss you;
the nostalgia of the first time I kissed you.

The rush of your touch,
and the beat of your heart.
Never did I think, we'd fall apart;
but here we are.

Miles away,
only in my dreams could I have stayed--
with you.
Only in my dreams I glance at my rings;
they're not gone.
Only in my dreams,
I can sing and dance to our favorite songs.
In my dreams you did no wrong.
The illusion of you in my dreams is for what I long.

I often catch myself daydreaming, remembering us.
All that we could have been,
and how hard I tried.
Most nights I turn down the lights,
and all I can do is cry.

Temporarily fall apart,
reminding myself I still have a heart;
and although it's broken,
it's still beating.

I didn't die.
I won't die from heartache.
This pen and paper is like meds for a headache;
soothing, healing.
Slowly peeling,
back the layers of hurt and sadness.
Finding my mind a new road map,
a new Atlas.

I left behind all our old photographs,
but it's not the paper ones that last.
It's the mental ones I can't omit,
the ones I can't forget.

As much as I hate to admit it,
everything reminds me of you.
The setting of the sun,
the rising of the moon,
the snow on the trees,
and the morning dew,
the smell of my coffee, when it's freshly brewed.

Will this ever get easier?
Why is it so effortless to remember the good,
but so hard to remember the bad,
the ugly,
the Misunderstood?

I have to forcibly remind myself,
of the nights I cried myself to sleep;
so stressed out I couldn't eat,
I couldn't think.
Yet these good times, like blood in my veins, run deep.
They flood my mind constantly,
throwing around forgiveness unconsciously.

What is wrong with me?
How could I miss such chaos?
Someone so selfish?
How could my memory be so selfless?
Forgetting my needs that were neglected, my desires that were rejected.
How could I miss this?
What is this?
None of this makes any sense.
Am I lacking common sense?
What's wrong with me?
How could I not see?
Am I in disbelief of how wrong you were for me?

Maybe looking back,
I don't miss you, rather you potential? Maybe our love was non existential?
I mean think about it,
was I ever really in love with you?
Or just the potential of you?
The potential of we?

Looking back,
Its clearer to see,
that was so selfish of me.
I should have loved you for you,
not through my rose colored view.
Now I'm left with these feelings I can't undo.

Stuck somewhere between guilt and blame. I want to escape this mental game.
The painful game of memory,
on continuous play;
but the player has no say.
Like a losing game of solitaire,
it feels like I'm the only player here.

I guess its time to shut off the game.
Im laying down the cards,
seeing things how they really are.
In all my vulnerability I'm deleting you,
finally forgetting you.
No more memories.
No more day dreaming.
I'm leaving.
Coming back to reality,
where there's no you and me.

Goodbye to potential you.
Goodbye to the love that we knew.
Hello to breakthrough
I'm ready to pursue.

This is my healing.

Peter Pan

What was so special?

Well, you were intriguing and fun, adventurous and young-
hearted.
I should have known from the moment we started,
this wasn't my perfect fairytale;
more like a nightmare awaiting its unveil.

Maybe I was naive,
to believe,
that a love like this,
could exist,
admits
such a dull reality.

You were my Peter Pan,
and I was your Wendy,
but our fairytale romance had no actuality. You were a Lost Boy,
enjoying your new treasure,
that is until, you needed more pleasure.

Wendy became Tinkerbell,
and our fairytale,
became living hell.

You pushed Tink aside,
as she tried and tried,
to win your attention;
but you were just a lost boy,
with too much tension.

With the pressures of life weighing you down,
you jumped on board the mental breakdown.
You disconnected from reality,
and off to never-never land you fleed,
leaving behind everything.

Your former Wendy and current Tink abandoned.
Emotion sink--
in.
Where does she begin?
Was it her fault?
Was she to blame for partaking in Peter's game?

She starts to reflect,
and,
whoa....
What did she expect?

A Lost Boy could never be a man,
that's what's so special about Peter Pan.

My Muse

Im Searching for a term to describe this male muse.

Can only one term even be used?

A source of inspiration, 

matchstick spark of imagination.

I draw into thee,

and you draw out of me,

potential unseen.

The Manet to my Morisot,

secretly inspire,

creative flow.

The Rivera to my Kahlo,

shapes my masterpiece out of a low.

The bow unto my rain,

transforming pain,

into something beautiful.

Some kind of emotional luminol, 

sedating my insecurites,

despite our relational obscurity.

The Ernst to my Carrington,

I rejected you but you carried on.

Now it seems,

that you are mine,

and I am yours,

unintentional creative door-

way.

I am Marina and you my Ulay,

Sylvia Sleigh to Lawrence Alloway.

My contemporary art piece, 

forever a part of me.

Breaking past the inspiritive boundaries.

Like a Brian to my Nan; 

who is this background man?

Narrowing it down to just one word,

it's obsurd.

Its nearly undecidable,

but if I had to choose one,

you'd be indescribable.

There's no way to explain my relation to you,

So the only appropriate term to use,

is my Muse.

The Artist

Too much caffeine or something;

my mind is racing, 

thoughts are buzzing.

Come on creativity,

this isn't funny.

I need to sleep.

I need to eat.

Anxiously waiting for pen and paper

to meet.

Writing about love and sorrow,

really brain, can't this wait until tomorrow?

This isn't ideal for 3am,

I don't have the luxury of sleeping in.

Insomniatic nights and loss of focus,

what is this creative hocus pocus?

I guess this is what they call passion.

Yuma

You're experiencing the journey of growth and possibility, 

yet suddenly, in the midst of your wanderlust and tranquillity,

you're taken back by her portal.

Her deep, infinant space hole.

She'll gently whisper to your soul,

come a little closer,

don't I look nice?

I could be your desert paradise

Forget about your dreams,

the places you planned to visit,

I have all you need,

come in and have a sit.

And there she grabbed you,

she sucked you in,

never ever to leave again.

She is the blackest of holes,

make no mistake,

once you're inside her,

there is no escape.

So get nice and cozy, 

cause you're never leaving,

Go ahead and try,

you won't get out breathing.

You'll die of boredom first, 

or of that unquenchable thirst,

for more.

Or from her hellish heat, 

both a possibility you can't

out cheat.

Black Hole Iris

So thinking in terms of time and space and how it relates to our human experience...They say that there is a black hole in every galaxy; but what if there were a tiny black hole in the eye of every human? The idea of “black holes” is that they are points where there is no light. I propose that this is a fractal part of nature, and eyeballs are places where no light escapes. A black hole, as far as we know can exist as the seeing eye of a more larger and complex (but simple) system.

Maybe this is how the universe can observe itself. Stephen hawking called this, “Spooky action at a distance” because rightfully, the universe wouldn’t exist if it wasn’t being observed. The observer changes the reality, just as in string theory. The observer is the last piece in the entirety of atomic theory.

Most people will look at this and say “okay, so if i turn around, then it is possible that everything behind me just vanished, and collapsed to a wave-form” but not many people have thought, “maybe the universe is observing itself in an intricate way”

On another note (but still on topic) What exactly happens to light when it enters our bodies? Is it still light by the end result, or something else? Also, I don’t know if this is true but I remember reading a few places that photons already know where they will end up before leaving its source. So that star 1,000 ly away already knew I would be standing outside looking up to receive that individual photon that entered my eyeball. How does this phenomena relate?

Maybe if we can figure out how light is ‘born’ and how it ‘dies’ then we will learn more about our human experience....

Magic Mushrooms & Manna

Okay, so biblically, we are never told exactly what manna is or where it came from, however, there are many scriptures in the old testament describing the physical qualities as well as conditions associated with those physical qualities. The first time we see a reference to manna is in Exodus when Moses leads the children of Israel, who are fleeing Egypt, into the wilderness. After wandering for six weeks, they start complaining exhaustion and hunger.

(Ex 16:4)
"Then said the LORD unto Moses, Behold, I will vain bread from heaven for you; and the people shall go out and gather a certain rate every day, that I may prove them, whether they will walk in my law or no"
(Ex 16:14-15)
"And when the dew that lay was gone up, behold, upon the face of the wilderness there lay a small round thing, as small as the hoar frost on the ground.And when the children of Israel saw if, they said one to another It is manna: for they wist not what it was. And Moses said unto them, This is the bread which the Lord hath given you to eat."

In these scriptures, manna is similarly described as the description of Psilocybin "magic" mushrooms. Magic mushrooms are small and round, with the limitations of vocabulary they had at the time, they could only describe it as looking similar to patches of frost in the field. Considering they sprout so quickly they would appear to sprout overnight, as if out of the sky or a miracle from heaven. Anyone that grows magic mushrooms knows that they turn blue when broken and have no roots, giving more reason to believe that the mushrooms/manna was of heavenly origin. Notice that manna does not just fall from heaven, but is said to come with the frost and dew, during the wet seasons. These are the perfect weather conditions for mushrooms to thrive. Also, manna is described as a bread, which means it is edible.

Although I personally believe misused or mistranslated usage of these scriptures have changed the intentions of these words, it appears to be describing how to search for and identify manna and more importantly how to distinguish it from non- psychoactive or poisonous mushrooms. Look for the small round breadlike/edible things that come with the dew/rain and seem to have heavenly/bluish coloring.

Moses tells the people that manna comes directly from Heaven to test them on whether or not they will walk in God's law. That would imply that manna is endowed with supernatural or spiritual powers, similar magic mushrooms. However, manna does not automatically confer spiritual power; it serves as a test. Most individuals that partake in magic mushrooms can conclude that they provide experiences that certainly test them on a conscious and subconscious level. Its also stated that Moses said that manna is literally the "bread of the lord" which is incredibly similar to the literal Aztec name for Psilocybin "magic" mushrooms, "flesh of the Gods."

(Ex16:19-21)
And Moses said, Let no man leave of it till the morning. Notwithstanding they harkened not unto Moses. but some of them left of it until the morning, and it bred worms and stank: and Moses was wroth with them. And they gathered it every morning, every man according to his eating. and when the sun waxed hot it melted...

Those familiar with wild mushrooms knows that they go bad very quickly and shrivel up under the heat of the sun, exactly like manna. Its interesting to me that Moses immediately recognized the manna when the children of Israel showed it to him. He automatically knew that the manna would rot if it was not picked in the morning. How was Moses so knowledgeable about manna? My guess is that Moses knew about manna because he had already experienced the mushroom previously in the case of the burning bush. Had Moses eaten the sacred mushroom/manna while on the mountain? I can only guess that manure from his livestock and a change in climate had created the proper environment for the mushrooms to fruit; just as in the wilderness. Maybe Moses ingested the mushrooms by accident or my theory is that his father in law, the holy priest of Midiam, introduced him to the spiritual and holy power of mushrooms/manna.

Numbers11:6-9 describes manna again and it is undoubtedly similar to the description of magic mushrooms:

"But now our soul is dried away: there is nothing at all, beside this manna, before our eyes. And the manna was as coriander seed, and the colour thereof as the colour of bdelliaum. And the people went about and gathered it, and ground it in mills, or beat it in a mortar and baked it in pans: and made cakes of it: and the taste of it was as the taste of fresh oil. And when the dew fell upon the camp in the night, the manna fell upon it."

When Psilocybin "magic" mushrooms are dried, their range of colors is almost identical to dried coriander seed. In both mushrooms and coriander seeds, there are great similarities in texture, color, tones, contrasts and overall appearance.
It also states that the manna was ground in mills or beat it in a mortar. That is interesting because earlier we are told that manna was quite delicate and, when the sun was hot, it melted. If manna was mushrooms, then it was likely dried and ground to use for baking. Grinding or crushing the dried mushroom and baking with the powder would insure that the psychoactive molecules retained their highest potency. We also see that the Bible describes manna as having light tan color and texture like a wafer, which accurately describes of the color/texture of a dried magic mushroom. We also learn manna tastes of honey. Honey has long been used as a preservative for psilocybin containing mushrooms. The children of Israel could have begun to mix honey with the manna to preserve it since Moses said that manna must be kept for generations to come.

(Ex16:31-32)
"And the house of Israel called the name there of manna: and it was like coriander seed, white; and the taste of it was like wafers made with honey. And Moses said, This is the thing which the LORD commandeth. Fill an omer of it to be kept for your generations: that they may see the bread where with I have fed you in the wilderness, when I brought you forth from the land of Egypt."

The children of Israel went to great lengths to preserve the knowledge about identifying and using manna. The Old Testament contains detailed information about the taste, appearance and its environment, so that future generations could experience manna.

(Hebrews 9:3-4)
And after the second vail, the tabernacle which is called the Holiest of all: Which had the golden censer and the Ark of the Covenant overlaid round about with gold, wherein was the golden pot that had manna...

Manna was stored, of all places, in the Holiest of all--the Ark of the Covenant. Obviously, the manna was revered as something containing holy power since the Hebrews treated it with such honor; going to such great lengths to see that manna was given to future generations. So great was the power conferred by manna, that these wilderness wandering slaves were able to defeat any and all enemies that came their way, including large, better equipped armies. I can only guess that by eating the magic mushrooms/manna that the Israelites had a survival advantage due to better the mushrooms sensory properties. Better visual and auditory acuity, clearer and more precise thinking, which ultimately gave them better hunting skills, and better battle skills. Manna provided the Hebrews with their own new covenant with God; one that is still considered today by Christians who believe that the Jews have already earned a "special place" as the "Chosen People."

So what is the new covenant? I believe it is the rediscovery of manna. The Bible clearly gives us accurate and detailed scriptures describing manna; it's just waiting for us to figure it out and return to the day when manna can once again fulfill its role as one of our holy messengers. Manna was the basis of the Jewish covenant with God. Indeed, it is the use of manna which set the Jews apart as the "Chosen People".

The Bible is not the message, it is not the only way, It is a tool. Manna is a holy sacrament, a psychedelic plant, that provides the means for "God" to "prove them, whether they will walk in my law, or not." So if manna really is the psilocybin "magic" mushroom, then that would mean that the Quran, Bible, and Torah were all inspired by the psychedelic experience. The very foundations upon which these religions are based, were derived from, none other than the magic mushroom. Moses and Israelites used the mushrooms as means to directly and personally communicate with a Higher Power, Allah, God, Yahweh, whatever you want to call it, its all the same. The fact that magic manna/mushrooms are easily accessible to us today means that just like children of Israel, we too can use mushroom/manna to experience the same everlasting joy and sacred wisdom that "Chosen People" experienced themselves.

Atom/Electron=Adam/Eve

Atom/Electron=Adam/Eve

Genesis 1:26 - "And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth." 

In the bible, Adam was created by God as the originator of human race, along with Eve and the two lived in the Garden of Eden. "Adam" is referred to in a general as "mankind" or humankind as a whole. In Hebrew "Adam" is linked with the triliteral root "'Adm" meaning red or red earth-clod. It is also related to the words: "Adom" meaning red, "Admoni" meaning ruddy and "Dam" meaning blood. This is where "Edom" comes from, which means the red man; as well as "Odem" which means the sardius, ruby, or red jewel. 

A simple definition of an atom is, "such particles as a source of nuclear energy: The atom is a basic unit of matter, that consists of a central nucleus surrounded by negatively charged electrons(eve) When you remove an electron from an atom you create a positive ion. When you place the removed electron back into an atom the atom becomes negative. This exchange is known as an ionic bond. All life forms from the splitting of an atom (Adam removing his rib to create Eve). Creating the positive and negative of reality we know as duality.

The number 666 is not an evil number as some "Christians" like to preach. 666 actually relates to the carbon atom or man. Carbon-12 is one of the 5 elements that make up our DNA. It is composed of 6 protons, 6 electrons and 6 neutrons; 666. Carbon-12 is the most abundant of the isotopes of the element carbon. Its abundance is due to the "Triple-Alpha" process by which it is created in stars, which is how we are made of stardust. The exact same chemical energies and atoms inside our bodies are connected to the whole solar system. So would that mean that the Adam in bible is the first man or atom to be changed to form the first red man? 

Jesus said, "know what is in front of your face, and what is hidden from you will be disclosed to you." So could the biblical story of Adam, be an alchemical, spiritual and biological scientific story on how the human race was created through the tampering of DNA from its original state by interbreeding with other races or chemical energies? Maybe Adam was created from mixing phosphorus in his DNA through the red dust of the Earth into which the Elohim breathed life? In the Bible we are told that Adam was created from the red dust of the Earth into which the Elohim breathed life. I believe the red dust to be an "extraterrestrial" chemical energy source that we know of today as phosphorus. This same chemical can be found in the crust of the earth/"the red dust of the earth" and also happens to be an essential part of our DNA. We gain our energy through phosphorus that is extracted from foods we eat, by converting it to the chemical energy that stores in our body. It is present in every single cell in our body; is found in our bones and teeth. 

Here's the super interesting part. Phosphorus known in Latin is known as “Lucifer” and in alchemy its rendered to as the "philosopher's stone."  "El" means God and so "Elohim" is plural for Gods. In the Old Testament, "Yahweh" is the Hebrew name of God and where he had declared, that he was the only "El" or God and no other Elohim was above his authority. In Judaism, the name "Yahweh" is replaced with the word "Adonai" which means Lord. All these names represent the planet Jupiter, which in Egypt was called "Osiris" and in Greece called "Zeus", and in Latin referred to as "Zeupater" which means O Father Sky-God or Day-God. So in astrology, which is directly related to scripture, Jupiter, the true God of light was "crucified", and in his place a veil was placed to bring in the reign of the Dark Horse, or the planet Saturn also known as Satan. It was a change in our breeding that brought Adam, "red man" and through him, the Sons of Noah or the Sons of Jupiter. Jupiter is the King of the Planets, that our ancestors had called the Supreme God, and whom great men like Alexander the Great, Julius and Augustus Caesar had called their father. The same planet, that also mysteriously has red dust on its surface, that is now called the "great red eye of Jupiter", and is coincidentally made of phosphorus. A large all seeing eye that reminds me of the red dust that the Elohim had breathed into man and that also bears a strong resemblance to the Eye of Amon Ra or the Eye of Horus, which beholds so many mysteries in itself. 

So do you see a biblical theme? Instead of the prophets declaring that Adam was made from the red dust of the earth into which the Elohim breathed life--now its scientists asking questions today in the form of an science and theory; questions about Jupiter that have already been answered by the prophets ages ago. Questions such as, "what makes up the reddish “freckles” and reddish cracks that stain the icy surface? What kind of chemistry is occurring there? Are there organic molecules, which are among the building blocks of life?" All the answers are in the bible if we choose to dig deeper and have an open mind. Its all related.